The Ripped Lady Sings! And Poses!

Patrick sent us a final email yesterday (say it ain't so! I'm tearing up here!). As usual, it was chock full of instructions and diagrams and motivational words - this time for maintaining our new selves. Four words from his message are now officially burned into my consciousness, and they will be my mantra when my mind spirals into the dark tunnel of body/weight/food anxiety: you are at last free.

Free from what, you ask? Vegetables? Pull-ups? Daily grocery store trips that make other shoppers wonder if you're preparing for a natural disaster? No way, dude (that shall continue).

I'm finally free from the vicious cyclone of yo-yo dieting, yo-yo exercising, and losing myself in the twisted matrix of nutrition myths and fitness distortions that have done little for my mind/body health over the last 15 years. Most importantly, I've been liberated from that part of me that doubted I had this kind of strength and discipline. Later on, self-doubt. See. You. Lay. Ter. Liberdade!


Over these last few days, along with soaking in the congrats and high-fives, I've been processing my PCP-induced mental makeover. This incredible 90-day learning, re-learning, trusting in the process process reminds me of another time my brain was rocked and my soul revolutionized (this is going to be a long one, INDULGE ME already)....

Awhile back I took an intensive fiction workshop with my favorite author, Junot Díaz. I came into the workshop with a very expensive degree from a "fine" institution, and a body of work I'd been struggling with for years. In the five days I spent with this storytelling master, I learned more than I had in my two years of graduate school. At the end of the class, I had a book full of notes and a sense that I’d emerged from a dark cave and seen sunshine for the first time in years. Finally, I possessed the tools to begin revising. I had instructions! I had diagrams! I had a coach!

Of course, the sense of empowerment that accompanied this newly acquired foundation came with an enormous resentment towards my former educational institution, which I was certain had failed me (for a pretty hefty ass price tag). I imagined what I could have accomplished HAD I ONLY KNOWN what Junot showed me earlier. I’d have like, 60 books by now. Okay, 6. Okay, at least one? The point is, my discoveries confirmed earlier suspicions that I'd been cheated. Bamboozled by my university.

This is how I felt at some points during PCP, and rather extremely. I started this project 100% confident that I'd get a new body (I'd done "programs" plenty of times!). I figured that PCP's structure and emphasis on accountability (two words: weekly photos. How can you cheat when the world is watching?) would be most responsible for getting me where I wanted to be.

I had no idea that I was going to be completely re-educated about how to eat, and that my thoughts would do much of the work to reshape me (and KEEP ME peaky). I didn't realize that meditation would play such a huge part in my success. When I first started noticing the benefits of PCP (loose pants, clearer skin, an end to PMS, reduced perspiration - I suffer from a super embarrassing condition called palmar hyperhidrosis which has made some exercises off-limits - I mean, it's hard to do handstands when you're sliding in your own sweat) I went a little wild with my discoveries; I was over-the-top zealous. Patrick is the shaman! Let's start a PCP cult! Die Crunch Gym!!

Now, rather than start a new religion or dwell on what I could have been doing, eating, spending money on, and thinking all these years when I thought I was being “healthy” here’s what I AM doing now that I'm finally on the righteous path…

1. Loving this body at any size.

2. Loving it enough to make the necessary changes to turn it into a frickin’ powerhouse when it needs a boost.

3. Eating bread (salt-free, mostly). And pasta. And rice. And bread.

4. Realizing that Grey Goose and Ben and Jerry will not make problems disappear. Self-discipline and caring for yourself can, in time...

5. Understanding that I can change decade-long habits and thought processes – I only have to look inside (and at our photostreams – dang!)

6. Accepting that I wasn't born peaky, and that having to work my ass off DOES make me stronger.

7. Sleeping 8 hours a day. Oh the glory! The glory!

8. Making time for the activities that keep me sane and happy: writing, dancing, boxing, yoga, capoeira

9. Moving on with a healthy mind when I make less than stellar food choices

10. Listing my accomplishments without feeling like an ego-inflated narcissist. Go on people, be PROUD!

And oh yeah, working on some new moves!




To all the ladies out there, forget all the time you’ve spent punishing yourself for what you ate or how many minutes you didn’t spend on the treadmill, or how unfair it is that your friend can eat XYZ without gaining an ounce. Don't waste another second. Instead, retrain your brain to crave self-love. Once you realize you're worthy of your best life, your best body, your best soul, you'll do pretty much anything to achieve it.

Finally, before the ripped lady sings, I must thank the academy; specifically, my sister. For cheering me on while I made the kitchen smell like a wharf and scattered vegetable bits to and fro. For, after finding me passed out on the couch, gently demanded, DID YOU JUMP YET? You could have eaten chips everyday, but you didn’t. You didn’t have to apologize for bringing ice cream home, but you did. I know it was hard to watch me throw tantrums (and egg shells) and I owe you big time (I’ll repay you with ab sets!!). You and Rumi are both right: "The cure for pain is in the pain."

Patrick! You are an amazing teacher who inspires me to show the same care and dedication to my own students. The greatest gift you gave us was teaching us to train ourselves. Thank you for the constant guidance, patience, and oh yeah, ass-kicking!

Chen! The Oz behind our meals! Thank you for the carbohydrates, for keeping me running on high-performance-fuel all day long, and for helping me realize that I love morning vegetables and the occasional splattering of animal protein in my omelet. Thanks to you I got to experience the happy meals I’ve been craving forever!

My team! You guys rocked it! Thanks for your honesty, inspiration, and encouragement! Good luck as you continue on this adventure.

Now that the smiley stuff is out of the way, those on their way to the Peak know that this journey is a killer. And lonely. The 90-day climb is both fast and painfully slow, mind-boggling and breezy. And while we're all up here thanking the academy, there were moments we considered (and exercised) reckless rebellion against it.

You will feel very, very isolated in this process. You will make people around you uncomfortable and skeptical and annoyed. But in these moments of solitude, you'll make your greatest discoveries, like Buddha under the Bodhi tree. So don't be afraid of finding out what you are underneath it all...because IT'S HELLA FUN TO SHOW OFF!!

I've talked enough, so I'll leave it to my girl to have the last words. The wait is OVA! PAR-TAY!!

-ella, -ella, eh eh eh...