Hateration

Right now there is a dude in my office lunch area giving me the whoa, are you just making yourself another wrap lady? look. As if the first delicious turkey, spinach, Ezekiel sprouted grain tortilla combo wasn't enough. Listen, homey, it wasn't (he has no idea what a floor jump is, poor guy).

Technically, I could still have a third, but Imma stop so that the serotonin doesn't kick my ass and send me on a quest for a naptime cot. Remember naps? Remember cots? If it were up to me New York City would be overrun with coin operated sleep cells - sort of like that cocoon Keanu Reeves gets into in the Matrix. Add some candles, fluffy white pillows, and you have Bliss (please don't sue me for stealing this image):


Anyway, awhile back, Patrick asked us to share some of our experiences with the naysayers in our lives. Unlike some members of my peak team, I've yet to encounter someone who thinks what I'm doing is crazy. No one has told me I "don't need" this kind of program. When I tell friends about what I'm doing, they're like, "Yeah, of course you're doing something like that."

Just the other day I met up with an ex-boyfriend for "lunch." I suggested coffee, mentioning that I wouldn't be eating because...and just as I was about to launch into my PCP explanation speech, he cut me off with, "So what crazy diet are you on now?"

Fair enough. For years, this guy watched me embark on a series of ridonculous "programs" that required me to combine ice cream and turkey slices and renounce fruit for two weeks. And he didn't even dump me! Instead, when I came over to his apartment, he'd hide the Doritos, the Nutella, and roll his eyes as I denied myself stuff like berries and pasta.

Back then, I thought if I touched bread, I'd implode. Thanks to me, 99.9% of our "meals" turned into hour-long sessions of anxiety ridden restaurant/kitchen drama. I remember when I caught the flu, he pleaded with me to stop the stupid diet, but I wouldn't. And still he didn't dump me! Instead he made me no-carb chicken soup. And after all that wasted obsession, I remained basically the same shape (though my psychology was in the toilet).

So listen all you haters -- this is the real thing! It's not magical, and Patrick doesn't have the secrets to the universe (well, maybe he does, but he learned them the hard way too). PCP is about common sense and work -- grueling work -- the stuff real change is made of. So get back into your cocoons and make some change! One jump at a time.